i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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