you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
