I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
