ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
