When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
