I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.