sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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