i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.