You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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