I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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