I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
