Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
