At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I look better un-naked...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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