I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
