who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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