i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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