can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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