dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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