your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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