I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
