DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
