well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
