last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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