I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
