He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
