Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
