it hurts more in the daytime
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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