Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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