i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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