I hate all girls vehemently.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
