i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
