I bet he comes in French.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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