I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
