So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
