My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
