I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
