Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
