I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
