pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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