Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I love you. Go after that dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
