just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
