Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
