paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
