Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
