I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
