The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
