Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
