i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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