i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
