It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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