I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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