i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
