Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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