You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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