im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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