Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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