THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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