i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize