I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
