HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
