Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
