I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
