dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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