I'm really into asian looking animals
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize