I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
