The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
