There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
