I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
