pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
