i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
