i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
