FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sext me about skeletons
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
