it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
