What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
