Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
