we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
