You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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